Scientific.....

So Tim and I are pursuing our PhDs; we've just entered the final year of study. This reality brings with it equal measures of excitement and terror. It's thrilling to think that we will both attain this great accolade after an insane amount of work. I mean, sure, you know going in that it will be lots of work but when it piles up and stretches out to what seems like infinity one thought enters your mind. "What was I thinking, signing on for this?". I'm not convinced I, nor any PhD student, can really answer this question. :) Something out there drives, compels, instigates a notion that, sure, another graduate program sounds like a good idea. At least this has been my experience. I don't know if I'm proud or embarrassed to say that this final year of PhD study is, in fact, my NINTH year of formal tertiary education. This makes me think back to my undergraduate self saying, "Yup, four years will be plenty, there's no way that I'm going to do more than that". And yet here I am at year nine. Now I know you might be thinking, "Wow, that's a lot of time in school, she must know so much!". I can't tell you how much I'd love to say that you're right. But alas, despite my many years in school, I'm no expert. Even in my specific fields of study: speech language pathology, psychology, and neuroscience. With that said I've spent all this time studying, investigating and researching questions in the classroom and laboratory; all the while I've felt like an idiot scrambling to grasp each subject and concept. This has been my ongoing experience.

Last week Tim, two other Victoria PhD students, and I spent the better part of the day judging middle school level science projects. We arrived at the school and were escorted up some stairs to the teacher's lounge where we were given instructions and clipboards and pens to take notes on the projects. On the way, we passed several students and the teacher who was leading us said to them, "Hey, do you know who these people are?". Now some of the kids didn't have any idea but a few connected the dots and with eyes wide said, "They're the science fair judges!". This happened multiple times along the way and had us chuckling at their reaction. As a PhD student you're constantly trying to study, read, learn, grasp as much as possible about your topic. And I would guess that my experience of feeling "scientifically" inadequate is not unique to me. So to inspire awe or terror or intimidation in these young students is an entirely foreign experience. I believe it may be the only time in my life when my scientific prowess will impress and intimidate. :) Perspective is an amazing thing. And I've realized something important; I will always feel like I'm just starting to learn about whatever topic and be acutely aware of my inexperience compared to the experience of others. This will continue to happen for two reasons; 1) I never want to stop actively learning and therefore will always have a "student-esque" status, and 2) I've realized that the more I learn the more I realize there is more to learn. Here's to being "in progress"!