With heaps of hubbub these last couple weeks I'm just getting around to this post. When I started my PhD over three years ago I knew this day would come. Or at least people said that it would. However, many times throughout the process I feared the worst. That I would
never submit my thesis. Apparently, this is a common fear among PhD students. Well I was no exception. So with that wandering preamble out of the way I am pleased, no thrilled, no ecstatic, to tell you that as of 28 September, I, Bridget Williams Brox, have submitted my PhD thesis for examination!!! There aren't enough exclamations in this world to really capture the excitement of this reality.
Let me take you back to the beginning for a moment. We first set foot in NZ in early 2012 and I was petrified. Not only were we about to start a new chapter in a foreign country but my first application to the Psychology PhD program had been rejected. Upon receiving this news we were already committed to moving and with fresh, matching passports and visas we jet set to NZ. Arriving was a flurry of newness, stress, anxiety and continual feeling of being outside any comfort zone that existed previously. I met with the folks who would become my PhD supervisors and organised a second application to the PhD program. Tim started work immediately and together we outfitted our tiny home. While I waited to hear about my application I started work as a tutor (teaching assistant) to gain a bit of income. I worried incessantly. I continually felt out of place. I wondered if I would ever feel normal again. If I would ever be caught up in regular day to day things like everyone else. And more than anything else I obsessed about getting into the PhD program. I seriously worried that I wouldn't be accepted. But even more so I worried that I would be. I don't remember every detail of that time but I can tell you that I was petrified about everything in the program. It was an opportunity to study something completely new and that meant starting at square one regarding technical skills as well as my understanding of the overall topic and associated literature. I seriously considered not taking the offer if I did get into the program. This all sounds crazy now but that's where I was at the time.
Then my acceptance letter arrived and somehow I decided to take the plunge. The flurry of paperwork had me running around campus to capture signatures and turn in forms. I was doing this when I was told, "Oh, right, you don't have a student visa? Well, you need one before you can get started". I thought I had regained some of my composure and everything was moving in the right direction when this happened. I panicked. To my great relief the visa officer talked me down, I applied for a student visa and by some miracle had that sticker in my passport within a week. I returned to the Faculty of Graduate Research, shiny student visa in hand. But I had to wait as another student was talking to the person behind the counter. She had a file box of papers and was holding them close to her chest, almost like she didn't want to let them go. Then she said, "I've worked on this for so long, it's hard to hand it over now". Despite my own personal drama I realized that she was submitting her thesis. I thought to myself, "Wow. I CANNOT imagine that actually happening for me". Remember at this point I was embarking on a journey where nothing seemed sure.
It was with all this in mind that I, bound thesis copies and accompanying paperwork in hand, walked through the doors at the Faculty of Graduate Research to submit my thesis. I could scarcely believe that I was uttering the words, "I'm here to submit a PhD thesis". The day had FINALLY come! And then I completed the most anticlimactic process of my life. My three soft bound copies were whisked away to be sent to my examiners. My electronic copy was transferred to their computer. We double checked all the forms and signatures. I was required to sign the "these ledger" where all students provide their name, school, thesis title and signature. I was given a few pieces of outgoing paperwork and then found myself exiting the office. What? What? That was it? It was only as the hours and subsequent days passed that realization started to sink in - I had finished my first book. 198 pages.
