In September I submitted my PhD thesis. After hacking away at the writing for months and months on end I put it out of my mind straight away. This was particularly easy because I had started my job at Wellington Zoo the same week.
Then, just two weeks ago, I received my examiner's reports. And things began to get very real, very fast. Upon thesis submission a soft bound copy of the thesis is mailed out to your three appointed examiners: one from Victoria, one from New Zealand (or because NZ is so small it's sometimes Australia) and one international examiner. They have a couple months to read over the thesis, make comments and submit them to Victoria in an official examiner's report. These are then forwarded on to the candidate, in this case me, and his/her supervisor. With two weeks to prepare I scheduled multiple meetings with my primary supervisor as well as meetings with my secondary supervisor and my "technical" supervisor who helped me a great deal when running the molecular analysis portion of the project. Then every waking moment when I wasn't working at the Zoo I was on campus studying, reading and trying not to panic. I was plagued with incredible worry and doubt. Would I be able to contribute to intelligent discussion regarding my project? Everyone seems to be convinced that this is a given. However, the longer I worked on my project the more questions I had. The more unsure I felt.
With great trepidation I woke up the morning of January 28th and there was no place to hide. After nearly four years, innumerable hours in the laboratory, and many months writing and revising I had arrived at the end. The end of an era. Tim and I walked over to the Faculty of Graduate Research where the examinations are held. I sat outside the room where it would take place with my heart pounding, mind racing. Soon after the door opened and the Chair walked over, introduced himself and accompanied through the door. I was actually in the room! Where hundreds of other students had defended their theses. I'm incredibly happy to report that upon sitting down at the table I began to relax. Just a tiny bit but at that point I would take anything. We discussed the procedure and then they handed things over to me. Candidates prepare a short presentation, mostly for the benefit of the Chair, that sums up his/her research before the
interrogation begins. When preparing this ridiculously short talk I was a bit perturbed that I could sum up four years of blood, sweat and tears in just ten minutes!! What?! That seemed unjust to say that least. I continued to relax as I presented and then the questions commenced. We began discussing and, what seemed like, suddenly the Chair raised his hand and said, "Um, we've been going steady for an hour and a half, would anyone like to take a break?". I was dumbfounded. How could an hour and a half have already whipped by? Everyone else was happy to continue and all eyes fell on me. I'm not sure how I appeared to them but it was left up to me to decide. Considering things were going well up till that point I figured, "Why stop now?". In retrospect adrenaline was probably buoying my mind and body. So we continued on with the questions and discussion. Then the most amazing thing happened. The examiner's looked back over their notes and said, "Yeah, I think we're done", which essentially translates to: the candidate has fulfilled his/her part of this process and now we can deliberate. From this point I think I began the descent/crash back to planet Earth. As per the process I was asked to leave the room which I did with what I'm sure was a bewildered smile on my face. I took a few deep breaths and visited the bathroom where I looked at my reflection and wondered if it could be true. Was I possibly done? Really? From there I returned to the waiting area and by that time my supervisor was there waiting for me. He extended congratulations and said that he was very impressed with how well it went. Now you have to understand that my supervisor is a super smart guy and my worst fear was that he would be disappointed with my defense! Just then Tim came up the stairs and sat with us until the committee had finalized their report. Then Bart and I were invited back into the room for the verdict. Before anything else they commended me for an excellent presentation, confident defense and that my PhD comprised interdisciplinary work. They were happy to recommend that I be awarded the Doctorate of Philosophy!! But wait. This was with the caveat that I make some minor revisions, mostly clarification, and submit the final version to the Faculty of Graduate Research. As you can imagine I floated out of there on a cloud and actually did a "happy dance" on the sidewalk as Tim and I walked back to the lab. From there I did absolutely no work for the rest of the day and instead spent time talking to friends and colleagues about the defense. :) That afternoon we took the lab group out for a celebratory drink. That night Tim and I visited one of our favorite locals to celebrate. Tim ran to the restroom while I ordered and paid. When he came back he said, without hesitation, "Thanks, Doc". The suddenness of hearing it out loud caught me off guard and I burst out laughing! I made it all the way through the evening and most of the next day before I crashed for good. Thankfully, we had a nice relaxing weekend and I was able to gather my wits and return, well rested, to work the following week. When I arrived my manager had already put the business card re-order form on my desk. :) A couple days later at a full staff meeting I was thoroughly humiliated with a huge bouquet of flowers and congratulations from Wellington Zoo. :) I was so surprised, I had no words! I was stunned into silence!
It's been almost a month since defense and it still feels surreal - particularly when people say Dr. Brox or when I see my new business cards. Two and three little letters: Dr. and PhD. I'm wondering if, at some point, it will suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. We'll see.
